Fedor was a product of Soviet engineering designed for the
purpose of advancing the Communist Agenda. The Cuban Missile Crisis was caused
when Fedor’s security detail arrived for an unsanctioned MMA bout. America was
panicked at having nuclear weapons so close, but the Russians assured us it was
necessary for our protection from Fedor, should he become loose. However, he won
the fight and went home, ending the crisis. When the Cold War came to a close,
Fedor was never deactivated, but continued to travel the world forcing
opposition to bend to Mother Russia. He wandered the wilds for years before returning
last night to present President Vladimir Putin with the dismantled corpse of
Pedro Rizzo. It was then that Fedor was officially deactivated. In all seriousness, we wish Fedor the best and thank him for twelve years of fights and everything he has done for MMA.
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